Shortcuts to Happiness. Part xix

The secret to Happiness lies not in events but in our responses to them. One of the most difficult events a person can face is the death of a loved one or the ‘death’ of a relationship, or (I know this sounds strange) to an addiction e.g. alcohol: drugs: cigarettes, anything where there is withdrawal to produce cravings. There is always a grieving process.

I once knew a guy who had lost his sister in a traffic accident. He was a close friend of mine and my immediate response was to want to go and comfort him. I felt the pangs of hurt that death causes which I remember so well from my Grandfather. I wondered what I could say or do to comfort my friend whose grief must have been so deep. Would he be hysterical or collapsing in anguish and sorrow, crying miserably because of his loss?

When I arrived at his house I realized that I didn’t know what to say or how to act. I imagined consoling my friend but I wasn’t sure how to do it. Was I to hug him, cry with him or curse the universe with him, my goodness I thought, he had to face the death of his younger sister and he was only a young guy himself, I entered his room where he sat quietly with a candle burning on the desk. He smiled easily and to my surprise he talked about his sisters passing.

In accordance with his religious doctrine, he believed she had become one with G-d and the universe. The candle was a symbol of eternal life and the transition into another dimension. He believed that something had been gained by her loss and I learned that our reactions and experiences follow from our beliefs and judgments, the biggest belief here being, G-d or a Higher Power of this persons understanding.

Our viewpoint determines our experience. As a young girl I viewed death as the most difficult of human events, having struggled myself with the loss of relationships and death but, I realized that others had the capability, of embracing it quite differently. Death is neither good nor bad until we judge it so and we judge it within our own cultural, religious and personal biases.